Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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