A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
