You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
