I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
