First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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