Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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