I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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