I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
