In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
