I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
