you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
pop tarts are not kleenex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
