I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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