Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
