Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
