so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
