im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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