Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
