Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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