Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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