Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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