Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
