I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
