our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
