I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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