You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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