So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
