my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
