Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
