Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
