Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
