The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
