i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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