No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
