I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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