I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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