I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
