so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
