I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
