hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
