So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize