You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Randomize
