4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
