so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
