someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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