you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i will never coherently bang her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
