I'm drive I can fine osifer
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize