Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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