Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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