I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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