At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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