Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize