My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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