I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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