Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
