Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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