how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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