Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
