the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
