If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need water and some morals
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
