Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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