Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
