Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
