at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
