Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
