why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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