Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
