I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
