I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
