When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
