dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
