bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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