Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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