Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
