im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
