I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
