my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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